The other shoe? No I’m not talking about the shoe stash that Francois found during our move-in. I’m referring to the moment when everything is so perfect…the planets align…those ducks line up…all the flawless buying/selling/moving transactions…and you somehow can’t believe in that perfection so you conjure up a ‘what if’ just to balance all the goodness so you can feed some sort of inner paranoia. It’s what I do sometimes
Being a moderately private person I don’t like talking about really personal things in a public forum. I also didn’t think I could handle the usual responses people who hear certain news would offer, and oh those sympathetic looks even from those I’m close to when confronted with potentially not so great news. But them I got to thinking that maybe sharing may be a good thing. After all, we aren’t the only ones with issues and putting it to word may be cathartic.
So here is the story…
Two weeks before our move to Nova Scotia I went for my annual breast exam. Annual, for the past eight years, because I have a close family member that had breast cancer several years ago, which puts me, in the eyes of the Montreal Cedar Breast Clinic as ‘high risk’. The ultrasound showed an anomaly so a small sample was taken. Two days before we were to move from Montreal….TWO DAYS… the oncologist called to say there were ‘suspicious cells’ noted in the pathology report and he wanted to schedule a ‘minor day surgery’ to remove ‘the thing’. Two days before we would become ultimately homeless….moving out of province 1200 km away.
The preferred course would be to have everything taken care of in Montreal but it was logistically complex. Two pre-op visits needed to be scheduled, then the OR time booked…and where would I/we stay in the meantime? I could be worked in to the doctor’s rotation as early as October 26th…our Nova Scotia closing date. I asked if we could maybe wait until a Christmas family visit or maybe later. It was not advisable was the response
I decided to take a little leep of faith for a moment and put the whole thing on hold for a few hours while Francois and I discussed our options and set some priorities. Firstly, I called the doctor’s office that we had secured during the summer in our little Nova Scotia village, explained the situation and asked how quickly this could be processed from their end. The response was surprising….
I was booked in with the doctor two business days following our arrival in Nova Scotia. The following week I saw the specialist for a consult. Within one week my surgery was booked.
Facing anesthesia brings on a lot of stress for me…a whole room of people have command of my being …and what if I don’t wake up…ever. Silly I know and not rational but those were my thoughts at the time. Awake I am a strong ‘fake it till I make it’ gal. I can take on anything as long as is needed, so the possibility of negative news, however slim, doesn’t scare me because I have my eyes open and am somewhat in control.
And through all of this, all I could think about was what if we made this fairly extreme move to this little piece of paradise and somehow we would have to face some life-changing challenges. You know, that ‘other shoe’ thing.
Well, as of the writing of this post, my little ‘gremlin’ has been removed. Everything from start to finish was so incredibly smooth. Surgeon, staff, procedure..everything! I still had to wait for a second pathology report but I…we…felt a surge of positive. Today I received the awesome news that my invader was benign. Tears of joy. Extreme relief.
I guess there was no ‘other shoe’ after all.